10 Names So Bad They Had to Be on Purpose

September 30, 2009

It’s one thing for parents to give their kids unfortunate names on accident. I mean, maybe they weren’t called BJ’s back when I was born. Or maybe, the parents of these poor people just didn’t think it through long enough.

But parents who intentionally decide to be funny and/or clever with their kids names should be punched in the face every time they introduce their children.

Here are 10 names that are so bad they had to have been done on purpose. Why these parents thought it was a good idea, I’ll never know. But I’m betting the people that came up with the last name on our list were high.

  1. Rusty Pipes (Airway Heights, WA) – Rusty always felt his parents pressured him to take over the family plumbing business a little too early in life.
  2. Mercedes Benz (Cypress, TX) – Who knew that the famous Janis Joplin song was actually about human trafficking?
  3. Phil McCracken (Weed, CA) – How many wedgies a day do you think poor Phil got at school? 10? 20? Let’s just pray he never goes to jail.
  4. Dusty Rhodes (Ada, OK) – In Oklahoma there are plenty of dusty roads but only one of ’em is a person.
  5. Anita Morehead (Garland, TX) – This should be considered child abuse. I’m not kidding.
  6. Pierce E Paine (Columbia, MD) – The best thing Pierce can do is become a doctor or go by Mr.
  7. Mary Christmas (Americus, GA) – There are actually quite a few Mary Christmas’s so all you parents who think you’re being funny & clever… you’re not. It’s been done. A LOT.
  8. Dear Beloved (Placida, FL) – How badly do you hope their middle mane is Lee?
  9. Candy Cain (Chicago, IL) – Do you suppose her parents were surprised when their precious little girl grew up to become a stripper?
  10. Mary Juana (Ligonier, PA) – Please Mary, just one last dance? I’d almost be willing to pay for Mary to move next door to Phil from #3, or at least in the same town…

Maybe parents should have to ask a class full of teenagers before being allowed to name their children. I’m bettin the poor saps on this list would vote for a law like that…

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

alex December 2, 2009 at 6:12 pm

Mercedes was the name of Karl Benz. Benz invented the gasoline powered car and thus the car is called Mercedes Benz.

Haley Sands April 14, 2010 at 12:19 pm

My daddy’s name is Dusty Sands, and his brothers name is Sandy Sands. So that totally trumphs Dusty Rhodes.

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