Here’s the thing, you have to get a license to drive a car but they let anyone be a parent. And, more pertinent to this conversation, they let anyone, may I repeat, ANYONE name their kid. So, while that might have some VERY unfortunate consequences for a few unlucky kids, it provides serious entertainment for those of us with parents who actually put some thought into naming us. With that in mind, here are 10 of the worst names ever. Seriously, these parents should be locked up… (and what the hell is wrong with Missouri?)
- John Koffman (Murfreesboro, TN) – His friends call him Jack…
- Sharonda Cox (Saint Louis, MO) – It might be pronounced ShaRONda but it sure looks like “sharin’ da” to me…
- Justin Butts (Springfield, MO) – I’ll take gay jokes and monthly therapy bills for a lifetime please, Alex.
- Harry Ball (Castle Rock, CO) – Insert pretty much any joke here. Seriously, Harry’s lucky he made it out of middle school.
- Amanda Buttram (Conway, MO) – I know, I know, I didn’t believe it myself at first. But trust me, it gets worse (or funnier depending how sadistic you are).
- M. Y. Butt (Saint Louis, MO) – When did St. Louis decide it hated babies?
- Richard Large (Eufaula, AL) – Good ole’ Dick might have hated filling out forms last name first but I’m guessing Richard Little (Saint Louis, MO) would probably be willing to trade.
- Ben Dover (Nineveh, IN) – I wish I were kidding. Look it up. Shouldn’t there be some sort of mercy rule for this type of thing?
- Gayford Buttram (Niangua, MO) – And the Buttram family makes their second appearance on the list. Here’s a tip, if your last name includes the word Butt in it (in which case, again, I’m sorry) please for the love of everything holy don’t put the word “gay” anywhere near your poor kid’s name. You know… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
- And last but certainly not least we have Michael Huntsucker (Kansas City, MO) - $1,000 and my first born child says he doesn’t go by Mike.
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There’s a real estate agent in my neighborhood named Neil J. Hardon, III. You’d think they would have learned after the first one.
there’s an acteress over in England, her name was Samatha Janus, but wait… there’s more… her brother’s name was Hugh
Former football coach in upstate New York: Dick Ryder. Why he didn’t go by Rick, Richard, or Rich is beyond me.
I knew a guy in middle school who was named Richard Seaman. I have never met a less jackass of a kid who was more ticked off at his parents. He was really quite bitter about the whole thing.
Harry Sacks…..look it up, he’s an executive recruiter in Phoenix, has his own company. Also, I worked with a semi retired vet, went by Dick Head, look him up as well, still think he lives in chandler, AZ
I went to school with a guy named Micheal Hunt. Good ol’ Mike Hunt.
(say it fast) Mike Hunt, Mike Hunt, Mike Hunt.
I went to college with a girl named Jacquelyn Hyde. She was hot though which mitigated the damage of her name.
Adam Baum
I knew a guy named Gabe Honer.
My daughters neurologist (brain specialist) for seizures – Ronald McDonald
In San Francisco- we once had a patient named Rosie Sidebottom
Next town over from where I greqw up in IL, one of the highschool teachers was Mr. Queer. Never did know his first name.
Also in the Navy, one of my ships had a kid, Mark Sample. and yes, he was a nonrate and was known as – Seamen Sample.
Real names, honest to God:
Edith Dacock (went to college with her)
Anita Wang (went to high school with her)
Richard Stiff (my mom’s gyno)
Ophelia Tiddy (very elderly friend of my parents)
new hampshire had a senator in washington that has the name “dick sweat”(i cant believe he goes by dick) and a fire warden named “richard head”
I worked with a man named Richard Ramsbottom. Nicest guy, great sense of humor, but then again, I guess he would have to have to survive!
Worst name I ever encountered: Twongtip Panlathanacon
Used to work for the company that runs the UPS call-in-and-apply-for-a-job phone line. Lots of ‘good’ names there!!
i know a couple who’s last name is Walker…they named their kid Lukas Sky
Luke Sky Walker…
poor kid
hey i know this guy with the last name mycock, and his grandparents names are pat and jack mycock hahahaha
i went to school with a girl named Dusty Chalke.
hahaa, dumb parents.
I had a teacher in high school whose last name was something like Siemenkowski. Naturally everybody just called him Dr. Siemen…
I work with a fellow with the last name of Saylor, who plans on naming his first child Gay…
I work with a lady who has the unfortunate initials PMS… And she married into it.
I recall reading something about a lady named “Pearl Hussy” who married a man with the last name of Harbor… The best part was a quote from the husband to be, something along the lines of “I told her she didn’t have to take my name, but I guess she was tired of being a Hussy.”
once i met a guy named larry love and his b-day was valentines day
Two very wealthy Houstonian ladies, Ima and Ura Hogg. Neither ever married – me, I would have said yes to the first man to ask me to marry just to change that last name.
My personal favorite that I’ve heard (it came from a Letterman Top Ten list about…12 years ago) was Dick Smoker.
Yeah. I’d say it sucks to be him, but…well, yeah.
I work with a quite attractive Asian woman named Mai Cao (pronounced My Cow), and my girlfriend whose dentist is named Peter Kiss thinks of me as “the man with the unfortunate name”. Go figure. Also, in Alaska, approximately mid-way between two prominent towns is a roadhouse owned by a slender fellow named Richard. Yep, you saw it coming, it’s Skinny Dick’s Halfway Inn.
Alright you guys have some good ones but..have you heard of these people?
Hugh G Rection
Dixon Cider
Dick Fitswell
Craven Moorehed
Harry Ballsogna
Phil McCrevace
Justin Syja
Phillip Hiscock
Haywood Jablome
I think they would be taking the cake on bad names
LMAO @ #38 and #66. My mother used to work with a guy named…get ready for this:
SCOTTON COTTON
There is really no reaction to this name the first time you hear it except hysterical laughter!!
I think you’re all making these names up.
What about
Anita P
cummings is actualy a very common german last name. and i KNow somebody named Harry Johnson, no lie
Well, I once got a signature, when delivering a package. I had to call my signatures in to my dispatcher, so I had to make sure I was reading what she signed correctly, so I asked her to spell her last name. She signed her first name as Shari, but her name tag said Sharon… so, here’s her name, and believe me, this was the most difficult time I ever had calling in a signature!!!….
Sharon Hiscox
I still wonder if that was her parent’s fault, or if she married into that last name. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life! The most difficult part was trying to keep a straight face until I got back in my car after the delivery!
NFL player (Detroit) – Harry Colon
someone at my school (did not know personally) – Phillip(Phil) McCracken (Fill My Crack In)
musiciam I used to know – John Rubbers – went by Johnny Rubbers (a rubber johnny is slang for a condom)
I had a second grade teacher named Diane S. Lobb. She couldn’t get away from it because, of course, we called her Miss. Lobb. It was the only year my mother refused to go to parent teacher night.
In that same class was a boy named Rockwood Hardman III. He went through school with me and became quite the playboy in university. We call him Rock Hard. It’s nice that he has a sense of humor. What kills me is that the family keeps naming their kids that. He’s the 3rd! Enough already!
no joke i phoned a guy at work once and his name was Wayne King.
thats the worst name ever.
I once worked with a guy named Richard Holder..we all know whats short for Richard..to make things worse he named his son Peter …..poor kid
My name is Lacey Blackman… and I’ve always thought it would be hilarious is my middle name was Onna…. Making my fill name, Lacey Onna Blackman.
theres a chick in my schol named “Hope Boner”
Umm one of our teachers here in Missouri
Is named Gaylord Gregory!!!!
HAHAAHHAHAHA.
We call him Mr.Gaylord
HAHAHAHAA!!!
nah…I work with a girl who has the last name, Handlir…
I figure there’s gotta be somebody in her family named Richard =\
i knew a guy named Jack Goff. if you dont get it just say it fast, jackgoff
you know the actor dick van dyke, not the best name
@ 32 – My friend in High School, his name is Mike Cummings. I don’t know if that has you beat but I feel bad for him lol.
@ 60 – Does Jack Goff happen to be a coach? I know someone with the last name “Gough” I don’t know his first name though.
lol I once had a teacher in highschool named Harry Weiner but everyone would laugh at him so he would go by Mr.W lol but everyone knew his real name because of his name tag. lol we would make fun of him so much
what about richard smallwood “Dick” but i dont want to make fun of it because actually smallwood is my last name but Andrew is my first thank god
Worked with a richard spotts…
I went to highschool with a guy named “PETER SMALL”
Yeah, lol.
i went to school with a kid named richard rider. if u didnt pick up on that his name is dick rider. haha what a fag
i know a docotor called Dr.Payne
I once new a girl (a looooonnng time ago) with the name Alika DeCox (prenounced A-like-a-Dee-Cocks….I like the Cocks) I felt really bad for her, but she didn’t really mind it so it was okay ^-^
There was a teacher at my highschool whose name was Anita Butt. She married into the name.
Sometimes the oddness is an accident…
I had a client once whose name was King Wang and his wife’s name was Chu Mei Wang.
I had an English teacher in high school named Fok. Of course we always mispronounced it.
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