Here's the thing, you have to get a license to drive a car but they let anyone be a parent. And, more pertinent to this conversation, they let anyone, may I repeat, ANYONE name their kid. So, while that might have some VERY unfortunate consequences for a few unlucky kids, it provides serious entertainment for those of us with parents who actually put some thought into naming us. With that in mind, here are 10 of the worst names ever. Seriously, these parents should be locked up... (and what the hell is wrong with Missouri?)
- John Koffman (Murfreesboro, TN) - His friends call him Jack...
- Sharonda Cox (Saint Louis, MO) - It might be pronounced ShaRONda but it sure looks like "sharin' da" to me...
- Justin Butts (Springfield, MO) - I'll take gay jokes and monthly therapy bills for a lifetime please, Alex.
- Harry Ball (Castle Rock, CO) - Insert pretty much any joke here. Seriously, Harry's lucky he made it out of middle school.
- Amanda Buttram (Conway, MO) - I know, I know, I didn't believe it myself at first. But trust me, it gets worse (or funnier depending how sadistic you are).
- M. Y. Butt (Saint Louis, MO) - When did St. Louis decide it hated babies?
- Richard Large (Eufaula, AL) - Good ole' Dick might have hated filling out forms last name first but I'm guessing Richard Little (Saint Louis, MO) would probably be willing to trade.
- Ben Dover (Nineveh, IN) - I wish I were kidding. Look it up. Shouldn't there be some sort of mercy rule for this type of thing?
- Gayford Buttram (Niangua, MO) - And the Buttram family makes their second appearance on the list. Here's a tip, if your last name includes the word Butt in it (in which case, again, I'm sorry) please for the love of everything holy don't put the word "gay" anywhere near your poor kid's name. You know... not that there's anything wrong with that.
- And last but certainly not least we have Michael Huntsucker (Kansas City, MO) - $1,000 and my first born child says he doesn't go by Mike.
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What about Major League Pitcher for the Seattle Mariners whose last name is Putz (J.J. Putz)
The following two aren’t sexual innuendos but they’re pretty bad: Both are major league Baseball players:
Coco Crisp (Boston Red Sox)
Milton Bradley (Oakland A’s)
For BJ who didn’t understand John Koffman. Change the name to Jack, BJ. BJ? (snicker, snicker)
My wife works with a guy who has probably one of the most unfortunate names I’ve ever heard of. And he goes by the whole thing.
Dixon Hand.
Wonderfully, amazingly true.
I had a college professor who’s name was Richard Head.
Hey Phil, not to be rude but a) you need to read a bit more carefully. I was explaining it to someone that had commented and b) read the about page.
When I was growing up, I had a neighbor across the street who was named….. Gaylord Cummings. I think that ranks up there in the top 10.
What about the girls Ima and Ura last name of PIG …. How sad is that ?
i had two teachers at school mrs hart who’s husband was called alf and a mr chew who’s wife was called penny we all used to have a good giggle although not rude they are still funny
I feel I have to respond just because of how many horrible names I’ve run into:
A professor with the last name “McPhail”
Then there was the lawyer team of Cumming & Cockburn (with a huge sign that I passed by every day to get to the University)
And of course my own initials, which are only funny if you know anime and yaoi: BL
I didn’t realize this until one of my anime friends pointed it out -_-
At the law office my mom used to work at, one of the attorneys had a last name of Ryan. She must have thought it was quite clever when she named her son Ryan. I just couldn’t believe it.
Also, where my dad used to teach at a university, there was a grad student there named Starlett Marshall. That doesn’t sound interesting, except that she had married out of the cool part. Her name before she married was Starlett Knight.
I know both a Richard Johnson, and a Jack Goff. Both of MA.
my last name is chong, I’m debating if i should name my kid ching.
i work in an office. some of my favorite names i’ve heard of are:
jesus tron
randy officer
pat vagenius
i think jesus tron is a religious themed carnival ride…
I was working for this company that called up people who had been in the hospital and find out how their stay went. Hardest one ever was an elderly black woman by the name of Luscious Cox.
i didn’t get the last one. i.e. michael huntsucker
I used to work with an Indian gentleman by the name of Anil Pundir. With a properly demented sense of humor, that easily becomes Anal Pounder.
Can’t even imagine how high this poor kid’s momma was when she named her…
http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440
I once knew a guy named Harry Dick.
How about a once popular Nascar driver from a few years back named
Dick Tickle
NASCAR driver from a few years back ..
Dick Trickle
I had a friend in Jr. High (Middle School), she was a sweet girl whose last name was Horney…..my folks laughed quite a bit when they heard it….
My boyfriend’s name is William Hill JR, he goes by Billy or bill. when I was pregnant with our son he inisted we name him after him and his father.
we had many really bad fights over that because I do not want my kid getting teased being called “hillbilly” my boyfriend even admitted he hated his name and he hated getting teased but still wanted to give our son that name!
we did name him william but we call him by his middle name and I do not allow anyone to call him william, bill, billy…etc. when he has doc. apts I insist they call him by his middle name and when he starts school I will insist his teachers call him by his middle name. he is 7 months old now and will only respond to his middle name. if you say william he dosn’t even look at you!
Two words: Dixie Cooter.
Personally I think it should be considered child abuse to name your child something so horrible.
I knew a Richard Fillerup. I think that beats out Richard Large by a longshot.
A student at a primary school a friend teaches as: Jenna Taylor
In Airdrie Alberta, there is a man with the last name Pidas, First Name Stu.. That’s Right Folks There is a Stu Pidas in Canada and he is not a Politician..
also if you are ever in Marathon Ontario Canada, Please feel free to look up the Dick Family… Semour, Harold, and Iona…
I knew a girl in college named Amanda Wykoff.
I grew up with Crystal Ball and her brother Cannon Ball and also with a boy named Blue Byrd (seriously that’s what his parents named him, he has since changed his name)
There is a real estate agent listed in the Montgomery, AL phone book listed as Short, Dick.
When I worked at the airport, I met Rusty Stump and Delicious Jackson. I also went to school with a girl named Vajunda.
I new a a guy in high school named Richard Head…..guess what his nickname was
My sister married into the Butts Family and her husbands brothers name is Russell after their father. however his brother willingly goes by Rusty. YES!!!!! RUSTY BUTTS and her husbands initials are C.N. BUTTS
I went to school with a girl names Rene (pronounced Rainy) Knight and she had a sister named Stermay (sounds like stormy if you say it quick)
And I almost forgot. There is a guy in Columbus, GA named Shithead (pronounced Sha-theed) and that is no joke. My aunt did an x-ray on him and a guy I know met him. Also, there was a lady that tried to name her daughter Vagina (Pronounced Va-gee-na) but then the people at the hospital told her what it was and she changed her mind. I work in a call center and get crazy names all the time and can’t even begin to start on them.
Around election time in our county, there was a sign up….Rich Fink…County Treasurer…..lol….
when i was in basic training i had a soldier named bastard and the drills partnered him up with another soldier named gay. so they alwaysed got annonced i need privates gay bastard here now!!!
I almost forgot this, but I worked with a lady who’s last name was Hornier. She was beautiful, which can possibly work for or against you with a name like that.
I used to work at a bank and there was a lady named Fonda C. Ocaine. Her parents must have been crackheads.
Poplar Bluff, MO…. a man named Pleasant Phelan.
I grew up in San Diego, Ca. As kids, we laughed at 2 names in the phone book. One name was Jack Meeoff, and the other was Sofonda Peters. I used to work with an Insurance Rep named Harry Bear, and later worked with a Sales Rep named Candy Cane.
My ex wanted to name our son Warren…our last name was Peace.
It would seem that parents in San Diego, CA are almost as cruel as parents in Missouri!!!!
Hey, I haven’t seen the race car driver Dick Trickle show up yet . . .
Oh and reading about the illustrious Butts family reminds me of a real estate agent here in town (currently practicing) whose full name is Richard Patrick Butts. When he advertises he signs his name as Dick “Pat” Butts. Wow . . .
My dentist’s name is Dr. Moeller, I think thats pretty funny.
Liekeva Ginas, thats a black girl my freind knows!
HAHAHA, I feel bad for richard head, I want these peoples phone numbers, and maybe there parents too!
Theres a freshman at my school, named Stormy Knight too!
My grandma’s maiden name was Ahoe, possible names:slap ahoe, bob ahoe, dick ahoe, Ima Ahoe,
There were these girls that were twins, there names were Ima, and Youra, and there last name was Piggy, hahaha they were twin midgets which makes it better. google them, they were funny lookin’ little piggys!
I saw an add in the paper about a family with a last name of knoblick
Here we go:
Went to school with:
Debbie and Donna Breast (We called them ‘left’ and ‘right’”)
Becky Pugh
There was also a B.M. Splatt in New York
I worked with a guy at Graybar Electric in Tampa who’s name was Dick Lipps, and he didn’t go by Richard either. One day his company called looking for him and I had to page him over the loud speaker. All I could think of was how am I going to get on the speaker and ask for “Dick Lipps” to pick up extension 205. Needless to say I chickened out and used Richard instead. The guy now lives in Ga. I also have a man named Rusty Boedicker who lives in Lakeland Fl. who is running for public office down here. Heck of a name for a poltician;must be a holdover from the Clinton Administration.
Richard Rasch, also know as Dick Rasch and Roman Lipp – I also know a Bob Long, who in school was Long, Bob.
I the oldest son of a man named Peters. Before my birth, some of my father’s friends were helping my father and mother by suggesting possible first names. Were I to be a girl, the suggestion was Anita. My mother liked the name, but my father insisted otherwise to the howls of his friends. For a boy they suggested Woodrow so that my nickname might be Woody. My mother didn’t like that name. She did however think that Harold might be a good name!!!
Eden Cox.
I went to High School with a dude named Chris P. Bacon.
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