10 of the Worst Names Ever

May 22, 2007

Here’s the thing, you have to get a license to drive a car but they let anyone be a parent. And, more pertinent to this conversation, they let anyone, may I repeat, ANYONE name their kid. So, while that might have some VERY unfortunate consequences for a few unlucky kids, it provides serious entertainment for those of us with parents who actually put some thought into naming us. With that in mind, here are 10 of the worst names ever. Seriously, these parents should be locked up… (and what the hell is wrong with Missouri?)
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  1. John Koffman (Murfreesboro, TN) – His friends call him Jack…
  2. Sharonda Cox (Saint Louis, MO) – It might be pronounced ShaRONda but it sure looks like “sharin’ da” to me…
  3. Justin Butts (Springfield, MO) – I’ll take gay jokes and monthly therapy bills for a lifetime please, Alex.
  4. Harry Ball (Castle Rock, CO) – Insert pretty much any joke here. Seriously, Harry’s lucky he made it out of middle school.
  5. Amanda Buttram (Conway, MO) – I know, I know, I didn’t believe it myself at first. But trust me, it gets worse (or funnier depending how sadistic you are).
  6. M. Y. Butt (Saint Louis, MO) – When did St. Louis decide it hated babies?
  7. Richard Large (Eufaula, AL) – Good ole’ Dick might have hated filling out forms last name first but I’m guessing Richard Little (Saint Louis, MO) would probably be willing to trade.
  8. Ben Dover (Nineveh, IN) – I wish I were kidding. Look it up. Shouldn’t there be some sort of mercy rule for this type of thing?
  9. Gayford Buttram (Niangua, MO) – And the Buttram family makes their second appearance on the list. Here’s a tip, if your last name includes the word Butt in it (in which case, again, I’m sorry) please for the love of everything holy don’t put the word “gay” anywhere near your poor kid’s name. You know… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  10. And last but certainly not least we have Michael Huntsucker (Kansas City, MO) – $1,000 and my first born child says he doesn’t go by Mike.

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